"I don't want to get up. I'm tired. This sucks. It's cold outside."
This was my mantra as I hauled my ass out of bed and got dressed in my dark bedroom. I whined internally while I brushed my teeth. I whined while I tied my shoes and bundled up. I whined while I walked the first half a block of my neighborhood to warm my legs up.
I even whined internally those first few steps or running, except that internal whine sounded like this: "Ouch. Ouch. My knees hurt. My feet hurt. This sucks. Running sucks. Let's go back to bed."
I didn't go back to bed.
I consider each morning I do this, each morning I climb out of bed an hour earlier than I need to be awake, a success. This morning was a success.
I ran 2.77 miles at a 12:30 pace. Not too shabby.
Because I get up SO early (for all of you who wake up earlier than me, who have to get up for work at 5AM I salute you and I applaud you and I feel sorry for you. Feel free to make fun of me for whining about my 6:00Am wake up call.) I like to have my work outfit picked out the night before.
It took forever because I don't have much cold weather dress clothing. Last year at this time I was eight months pregnant with twins so I was wearing maternity clothes. And now that the babies are born I am much bigger than I was two winters ago so I don't fit into any of my old "regular" clothes. I have purchased a few things and am trying to make do with what I have, but it's tough.
It's funny, you would think my belly would be my problem area. I mean, obviously, it's a bit stretched out, but I've never had a tiny and trim stomach so that doesn't bother me as much. What really bothers me is my back fat. Ugh, how I hate it. I have a hard time finding bras that don't make stuff squish out the back and because of that I hate wearing tops that are even remotely clingy because what do clingy shirts cling to? Back fat!
I'm trying to come to peace with it. I am working out and eating well and I know, eventually, it will go away. But for now, I hate to look in the mirror and I hate the way I look in most clothing. So, it's a hard battle. And I know it will help if I have clothes that are more flattering to my current body but how does one buy clothes to flatter a body she despises?