Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Should I Give Up, Or Should I Just Keep Chasin' Pavements?

I live a lot of my life doubting myself.

I signed up for the August half marathon and about thirty seconds after I received my confirmation email I thought "oh hell, what have I done?".

When I set out on a long run or even a short run doubt is nipping at my heels.

Are you sure you can run three miles?

Are you sure you can run five miles?

Hey, all of those other runners keep passing you. Are you sure you want to do this?

It's not just in running. I doubt myself in other aspects of my life. ( I won't even get started on how I feel about my role as a mother. Doubt Central, people!)

After I got the cast list for the musical I am in and saw my name up there next to a big role my first thought was, "Nope. There's no way I can do this."

Doubt sucks.

We had rehearsal last night. And while it wasn't a grueling rehearsal we did a lot and I had to sing a lot, sometimes by myself which makes me nervous. At the end of rehearsal I was walking out with another cast mate and the music director of the show. We were chatting about our reactions to being cast, this other cast mate saying how he was so excited he didn't have the words to tell his mom.

I said, "That's funny. My first reaction was, 'Someone messed up. There's no way I can do this.'".

The music director looked at me totally stunned and said, "Meg...you were the FIRST person I cast."

I was shocked.

We all have doubts. I'm sure you have doubts. I'm sure your best friend/your significant other/your dentist have doubts. Remember, like I am trying to, that you're the only one doubting yourself. Everyone else thinks you can do it!

8 comments:

  1. It may sound super corny, but my doubts have really gotten better since being with my fiance. He's such a positive influence to remind me to kick those doubts to the corner. And the little voice that says even if you fail, it's okay. What's really nice is that I've started internalizing that voice so even though he is still positive, I rely on him less for that. Yay for getting rid of doubt!

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    1. I get that 100%! My husband is my number one cheerleader and supporter. With him it's not "will that happen" but "it's going to happen".

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  2. Aww, sometimes it's a good reminder that even when we don't see it in ourselves, that someone else sees it in us. I posted this yesterday on IG and on my FTSGW fb page.

    "A bird sitting on a tree is never afraid of the branch breaking because its trust is not with the branch, but in its own wings. Always believe in yourself!"

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    1. I love that quote! Thanks for sharing it!

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  3. That comment from the music director made me a little misty. :) this is a great post! Thanks for sharing. I hope we can meet up with that half marathon! Because we are probably the only two people stupid enough to do a half marathon in August. ;)

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    1. Me too!
      We are for sure meeting up! I told my friend "can't we just walk around the vineyard for 2.5 hours then cross the finish line?"

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  4. That is a message I need to hear again! When I did my first 10K a few weeks ago I was fixated on the "fact" that I would come in dead last. Not only did I not come in last, but I had random strangers complimenting me on what a fast walker I was and pointing out that I had beat people who ran part of the way.

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    1. Ha, you showed your inner doubts that you kick butt! Fast walkers impress the crap out of me!

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