Monday, June 12, 2017

Night Swimming Deserves a Quiet Night

It was hotter than heck this weekend. Thankfully, my city has a pool the whole family enjoys so we spent a large chunk of Saturday and Sunday hanging out there. And by hanging out I mean swimming our butts off. It was a blast.

I like to observe people, and spending almost eight hours at the pool (over the course of two days I am not insane) left me with some good people watching time. Here's what I noticed:

-Every single woman there had some sort of cellulite/jiggle going on. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM. The skinny ones, the bigger ones, EVERY LAST ONE OF THEM! I'm not pointing this out because I find anything wrong with it. It's more of a "we all have this, why are we trying to pretend otherwise?" Now I, personally, have decided to live by the rule of "my thighs jiggle gonna wear a Speedo anyway". Part of that is because my kids want me to swim with them and most tankinis don't support the girls in any way which makes me constantly a couple of strokes away from an accidental nip slip. The other part is, when I swim laps wear the Speedo and I need that kind of suit for lap swimming. Oh and because last year, after almost flashing half the pool when my kid grabbed my suit I decided I was just going to wear a one-piece and screw what anyone thought of me. I was shocked at how many women wore short bottoms or bottoms that had a skirt on them, as if the sight of our wiggly inner thighs will cause young children to run screaming in the opposite direction.

-The dudes all went without shirts. There were a few in rashguard type shirts, I am assuming for sun protection, but they were few and far between. Seriously, I saw hairy backs and big bellies and skinny chests and tattoos and every thing else. The dudes did not care. You know why? Because THE WORLD has not beat over their head that they can't show that off.

-No one cares what I look like. And if they do care, it doesn't matter because I DO NOT CARE ABOUT THEM. You know what I care about? I care about my kids having fun. I care about them listening and paying attention to the lifeguards. I care that they like when I show off how I can swim, and imitate me. I care that the lifeguard gave me a thumb's up for stopping my kid from being an asshole on the water slide.

My thighs jiggle. My belly jiggles. My arms jiggle. Who the eff cares?

Wear a Speedo. Show of your inner thighs. Go swimming. No one is looking at you, except the lifeguard and that's only to make sure you are not drowning on their watch.


  1. I just knew someone was checking out my cellulite ;) I love this post and I love the memories you are making with your boys.

  2. Yasssss. I saw someone post the other day that said something like "How to have a beach body". 1. Have a body. 2. Go to the beach. I'll find it and post it in the group.

  3. One day I hope to be able to do this. I know I miss out on a lot because of my own issues with myself.

  4. You are so right about the dudes at the pool! We should follow their example. :)

  5. I noticed this in Hawaii, too! Not the cellulite (I just wasn't looking that closely!), but the fact that every woman was wearing whatever swimsuit they wanted to. And no one was looking at me! :p